Today I Am Thankful

I managed to make it through the entire thanksgiving week without speaking a word of thanks. This is not a positive revelation for me. I realized I had missed this opportunity for reflection when I cleaned out Henry's backpack last night. I found a list of things Henry is thankful for: mom, dad, school, books, sister, etc. Oh, and "wearing soft pants, the Roseville mall, and the person who invented pillows." I thought about Isabelle and what she has mentioned being thankful for: her hair, herself and her dollies. Their own thankful hearts bring me a lot of joy and remind me that I haven't missed out. There is always time to express thankfulness- not just on thanksgiving. Today I am thankful. 

1. I am thankful for Thanksgiving. It is really lovely to be invited to someone's home to share a meal, especially thanksgiving. My aunt Beth and uncle Gaylen opened their home to our family as well as family from Willmar. It was a warm, festive time and I'm thankful to have a place I am welcomed:

Some were not present and their absence was felt. Cousin Jenn was in Willmar with her husband, mother and father, welcoming her first born. I missed my brother. Billy was in Des Moines as work kept him away this year. My sister and her family were in DC for the holiday, but were missed and with us in Barbie spirit:

Isabelle made a model of the Severn family as last seen at the beach. See the resemblance:

2. I am thankful for the Christmas spirit that is alive and well in our home. We decked the halls a few weeks ago so the kids are in full holiday mode. Isabelle asks, "is today Christmas?" every morning and the presence of the advent calendar is not helping. Today after lunch she was singing a song by the Christmas tree that went something like this, "Santa, I'm waiting for you, waiting for you to tell me the answer. Is Laru a boy or a girl?" Laru is our invisible elf who watches over the kids on behalf of Santa during December. Henry left his Christmas list out for Laru last night with a note:

To: Laru

May you please deliver this to Santa? Thank you. 

From: Henry 

I was thinking Henry might start to question things this year, but not yet. I am thankful that we all believe in the magic and have each other to share in the excitement and memories.

3. I am thankful for Nick, Henry and Isabelle. I am so lucky to share my days with them and even as we grow into new people each day, our values remain the same. Our bottom line does not change- we love each other and work to show one another kindness. Everyday. 

On a date:

On a cold morning:

Or through actions such as checking out a book during school library time to bring home to his sister. And then to read it to her:

I feel immense gratitude for all that I have in my family, near and far. I miss each of you so much because of the joy we share and memories we have made. 

I am able to write in a warm home, while one child naps, one works hard at school, and my partner is at his 9-5 job so that we can make our life work. Thankful.

I feel grateful for forgiveness. 

And for the person who invented pillows. 

I'm thankful that I am able to feel thankful. And, I'm glad that it is never too late to be thankful. It is something we should feel everyday because that is how we find joy and take stock of what is important. 

Synonyms for thankful:

Blissful. Joyful. Delighted. Gratified. Happy. Pleased . Satisfied. Tickled.

For Marika and Regina

On Saturday morning I woke up to a bit of a situation. I was rushing around to get ready for a work training when I glanced outside to check out my fall decor, you know? Like I do every morning. However, when I looked outside I noticed a few problems. The pumpkins the kids had carved were smashed in the street, mini pumpkins were scattered around the yard, and my planters were overturned and on the sidewalk. The pumpkins that were in the planters were also smashed, but further down the street. The dirt from the planters was everywhere and I was immediately disheartened. I cried. True story.

I do things like this when the weather turns to fall:

I post pictures of mini pumpkins and change my Facebook profile and cover picture to freakin gourds. It's my favorite time of year and my favorite season for which to decorate. A slight obsession? Sure. But, it's short lived and rather harmless. 

I stayed pretty blue about the situation and was having a hard time understanding the motive behind this violation. To be honest, my feelings were really hurt. While I know it's not that big of a deal and  that it's just stuff, it still felt crappy and undeserved. 

Last night, Sunday, at 9:00pm there was a knock at our front door. A man handed us a bakery box, gave us baking instructions, and left. Inside were fresh, locally made pumpkin scones sent to us by our dear friends Marika and Regina. 

They wanted to share with us some pumpkin after our pumpkins were destroyed. But, more than that, they shared their kindness and their beautiful hearts. Gestures of thoughtfulness, friendship and love are what make life amazing and rich. Their gift of baked goods reminded me of the good that is real in our world and how my two friends knew that I needed a boost without even talking to me. So, during this season of giving thanks, I thank my lucky stars for friends like Marika and Regina- friends who show support and take time out of their own day to show kindness to a friend. Thank you, Marika and Regina. 

Small Moments

I haven't posted anything for awhile now. I thought it was because school has started again, I've taken on a part time job, and the kids sports schedules are making life a bit busy. However, after really thinking about the reason I came up with this: nothing big has happened lately. Just a handful of amazing small moments. Here are a few of our small moments that keep life busy, wonderful, challenging, exhausting, and very special: 

1. I had to work at the restaurant last Saturday night and missed out on a get together with another family in the neighborhood. The kids were in bed by the time I got home and I was feeling as though I had really missed out. In the morning I went up to their bedroom and found this note on Isabelle's bedside table. "Isabelle your the best sister ever. From Henry." Just because. And, I knew then that everything was right with our current work to home balance. 

2. I experienced a trip to Target that didn't end in tears. Instead, Isabelle and I took time to have a good laugh in the Halloween department. Isabelle also told me the following joke:

-knock, knock

-who's there?

-cow

-cow who?

-quack, quack, quack!

3. A few weeks ago Henry found a 20 dollar bill on the ground at a restaurant. We told him he would need to ask around to make sure it didn't belong to someone who had accidentally dropped it on the ground. Henry was able to keep the money and he divided it amongst his spending, savings and giving banks. He later wrote a story about this event, retelling it as the best day ever with a lesson box at the end that read, "remember, if you ever find money on the ground you have to ask around to make sure it doesn't belong to anyone."   

4. Nick brought the kids into the restaurant while I was serving tables a few days back. They sat in my section and it was such a special treat for me. During the meal, Isabelle flagged me down and when I arrived at the table she said, "I'll have a scoop of vanilla ice cream, sir."

5. Yesterday, Nick and I celebrated our 12 year anniversary. He wrote this list of 12 to me:

12 years of wedded bliss

11 years with the Sentra 

10 years at Rels

9 years at 684

8 different jobs

7 years as parents 

6 days at Rehoboth 

5 cars as husband and wife

4 years as a stay at home momma

3 days in Key West

2 beautiful babies

1 happy man

6. It was really beyond time for the kids to get new beds, mattresses and bedding. So, a few weeks ago we went to ikea and found everything we needed and Nick set it all up. Once Henry realized he had gone from a double to a twin and wouldn't have as much room, he said "well, how will Isabelle fit in my bed with me in the morning when she comes over?"

7. Henry started guitar lessons in September. Everyone in the house is joining in and it is simply fantastic.

8. I have continued my love of mini pumpkins and have gone to trader joes enough times for the kids to start complaining. Henry and I recently had the following conversation:

Me- we are going to stop and pick up some pumpkins.

Henry- why? 

Me- for decorating.

Henry- they are already everywhere!

Me- fine, we will give them to your teachers.

Henry- we have already done that. Twice! 

I may have a problem.

9. And this:

There you have it- September and October. Nothing happened and so much happened. I think it's important to focus on the small moments once in awhile because it is those moments that make up a big life. And big memories. 

Work: Just What I Needed

The Highland Grill in Saint Paul has always been a favorite. Nick and I dined there often when we lived in the neighborhood and we still make the drive over at least once a month. Great food. Great service. Great memories. The wait staff has remained pretty much the same since we first visited in 2004. So, if you want a job there it is pretty unlikely that a position will be open. 

About a month ago I decided I wanted to take on a part time job and in a restaurant. I used to host and serve at Red Lobster back in the day so I figured I might be able to find a position. I looked into positions at Highland Grill, but there were none. However, I learned that they are part of the Blue Plate company which was started by two servers at the Nicollet Island Inn- another favorite. The two servers have opened a new neighborhood restaurant every year since 1993. One such restaurant, Scusi, was hiring.

I was able to successfully secure employment at Scusi. I host, bus and am training to serve. I work evenings and one weekend shift where I get to interact with other adults, earn wages and tips, keep up in a fast paced environment, and feel really great about the local establishment where I am employed. 

I left my job as a teacher over four years ago to stay home with Henry and Isabelle. There are so many reasons I find joy and reward in my job as a mother and I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. I feel very lucky to have this privilege and we all see the value that one parent at home brings to our family. But, here's some real talk: stay at home parenting can be pretty lonely and a bit isolating. It's possible to go days without talking to another adult except for Nick. 

I think the main issue was feeling as though my identity was defined by my children and not by my own experiences. I also really strive in immediate gratification situations and guess what? Like most jobs, raising children is a very thankless position. However, working in a restaurant provides the gratification I was looking for: provide service and receive a tip directly related to how well the job was done. Perfect. 

Life is all about balance and just weeks ago I was all out of wack. I was in search of something more and for now I think I've reset the balance. I'm able to have fun at work, feel as though I'm great at my job, and  find renewed joy in being a mom, a wife, and a valued employee. Scusi, I guess you're just what I needed. 

Back to School

Today:

First Grade:

Kindergarten:

Pre-K:

Preschool:

Today, Henry started 2nd grade. The above photographs evidence that we have sent Henry out on a first day of school 5 times. 5 times! But, I can't seem to get past the pain and worry each September to the joy of having freedom from my 7 year old. And, his freedom from me. 

I worry that he will not eat all of his lunch. I worry that someone will treat him poorly. I worry that he may not always use kindness toward others. I worry that someone will take him. I worry that someone will shoot up his school. Worry. Worry. Worry.

This anxiety makes it difficult to celebrate why school is so amazing and prohibits me from feeling the bliss of independence from my children. So, I thought about why we choose to send our kids to school each year and this is what I came up with as a result:

1. To learn. I can only teach my kids what I know. How limiting. When we allow our children to learn from others we open their minds to new ideas and perspectives.

2. To be a friend. Our kids need to know how to be a friend to others, how to be respectful, and how to value similarities and differences. This can not happen if I never let them leave our house.

3. To make friends. It is important for our kids to be able to choose their own friends, not just the ones we arrange play dates with on their behalf. They must learn what they value in a friend so that they can make choices that allow them to feel amazing and respected.

4. To gain independence. I basically want my kids with me all of the time because I trust myself more than others. However, I have to trust in the good of education and educators so that my kids can spend their school days away from me, enjoying independence and not dependence.

5. To make things better. We need active, engaged citizens to impact change and keep society moving in the right direction. We need people who can read and respond critically, speak with strong voices, and respect people of all backgrounds. I believe this happens in schools, in classrooms, in lunchrooms, on busses and in hallways. 

So, it seems like school is a pretty great idea and worrying isn't all that productive.  I salute all parents, educators, community stakeholders, and kids who are working hard today to keep our little friends safe and engaged. Your work is important to me. Your work is necessary. 

School Supplies, Target, and Kindness

Shopping for school supplies is an unpleasant task. Each year I head to Target, with the kids, and each year it blows. I don't dislike buying supplies for schools, I dislike taking my kids along on this errand. Why? Because the list is pages long, there are now two lists, and my kids act like maniacs. Every year.

I need silence. Concentration. Time. I get none of these things plowing that huge double cart around with a 7 and 4 year old. Obviously.

They should really be left at home, under the care of a rational adult. But, they weren't and we all suffered. Meaning, all of Target. 

A few years back I learned a trick. I let each kid pick out one folder that is just for them and can be kept in their backpack. They get to choose which character they like and feel some ownership in the school supply shopping process. In the past, they would stare at the folder for many minutes, distracted just long enough to allow me to grab some items from the list. It was an inexpensive ploy to help me survive the trip.

This year, Henry picked a spider man folder and Isabelle went for my little pony. Fine. 

Wrong. They started by throwing the folders at one another. I warned them. Then, the folders became light sabers. I warned them again. Then, they just started to bend them in half and Isabelle licked hers. Then, I took them away and told the kids the folders were staying at Target. Luckily, I was on my way to the check out line by this point.

I saw it happen. I glimpsed the look in Isabelle's eyes and knew I had a choice: give her the folder back and there would be peace or, not back down and deal with hell. Well. I'm really tired of getting punked by my four year old so I didn't back down. And neither did she.

"I want my folder back!"

"Give me that folder!"

Scream (as in, the loudest possible. it was heard all through Target)

"Give meeeeee that folder!"

"You are mean and rude!"

"I want dad! Drop me off to him now!"

Scream (just as loud)

"Mom, make her stop!" (Henry, while plugging his ears)

"I need a Kleenex!!"

"Get me that folllllder!" 

Scream

Repeat all of the above statements and screams two to three times and there you have it: school supply shopping. It totally sucked. But, I was calm as I paid for my items, reminding Isabelle that throwing fits does not pay off. I gathered the items, handed the cashier the folders we were no longer purchasing, put my head down, and started pushing the cart. I felt the tears rising, but kept pushing ahead. Then, I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder. I looked up as a woman said to me:

"Do you have sunglasses with you? Put those on. I find it makes me feel less humiliated by the stares and glares as I'm racing to leave. And, if you need to have a good cry in the car, the kids won't see that they've driven you to tears. Chin up."  

She walked away before I could respond. I put my sunglasses on, lifted my head, and pushed the cart of screams out to the car. Once buckled, I did start to cry. But, not because of Isabelle. Because of the kindness. Her remarks made me feel human again and made me feel like less of a failure. She showed me kindness when I needed to feel kindness and it made all of the difference. 

So, here's the takeaway: 

1. don't school supply shop with kids. leave them at home. always. 

2. kindness is real. be kind to people.

Seven

Sunday marked Henry's seventh birthday. I'm not sure why this particular birthday hit me so hard, but it did. I had the sudden realization that time is not standing still and that my first born is turning into a big kid. I caught a glimpse of this change as Henry sat at the kitchen table this morning building a new Lego set. He worked on his set for a full hour, completely silent and finished the first booklet of instructions. Henry didn't freak out from frustration or ask me for any help. While I appreciate his independence, it was hard for me to not intervene or attempt to help him as I am so accustomed to doing. Henry is growing up and I'm going to have to learn to grant him the independence he wants and deserves. Eventually. 

Henry decided that he wanted to celebrate his birthday in Iowa with his family rather than having a friend party. So, last weekend we packed up and drove to Bettendorf to spend time with Henry's grandparents, aunts and uncles, and his cousins. He is a bit obsessed with Star Wars so I came up with a few decorations to make the Saturday family celebration special.

I don't know much about Star Wars, but I made sure to play along- that's a picture of Han Solo in carbonite (jello). I love Henry's intense interest of Star Wars, but even more, I appreciate how much aunt Sara, uncle Alex, aunt MIndy, uncle Chris, uncle Alex, Missy, Poppie and Loulie, Caroline, Maddie, Natalie, Colin, and Jack did that evening to make Henry feel loved and special. From the cake that was ordered to allowing him to watch Star Wars in the theater room, Henry was treated with so much love and care. 

I'm not sure how I'm going to survive my children growing older. I wasn't even sure I was going to survive motherhood when I became one seven years ago. But, as with all things, we learn to adjust and roll with the changes. Not because we want to, but because we have to for our own well being. Sometimes it's hard to watch as life changes, but it's also pretty amazing because it means that we are moving forward, learning, adjusting, and making the most out of the gifts we've been given. 

Rehoboth Beach: Ocean Vacation

Here's what not to do at a restaurant: Hang your purse on your chair. On the side where everyone walks. Opened. With your big old wallet peeking out. One day before boarding an airplane.

Why? Because someone will steal it and charge up your bank account at a Target and Super America. And, you will have no I.D. with which to travel. True story. 

We were all set for our beach vacation with my sister's family when someone called to view our home. We cleared out and went to dinner, all excited about our upcoming adventure. Then, someone stole my wallet. Then, I freaked out. And, felt very sorry for myself. 

The thing is, I was still able to fly out and enjoy a much needed, ten day family vacation. I just had an extra special pat down at the airport. Life tends to work out, but not necessarily how we plan. It must have been my turn with karma or a really hard way to learn the "watch your crap" lesson. 

Either way, we flew into Washington, D.C. where my sister, brother in law, niece and nephew live. We packed up the cars and all drove to Rehoboth Beach, Delaware to spend the week at a beach house full of charm. 

Here's what you do at the beach: 

1. Wake up and eat breakfast

2. Suit up and pack up the towels and snacks

3. Walk to the beach

4. Sit under the umbrella, play in sand, swim in the waves

5. Eat pizza from the boardwalk

6. Walk home for a nap

7. Make dinner

8. Walk to the boardwalk to enjoy rides and games at funland

9. Eat ice cream dipped in jimmies

10. Go to bed to start over the next day. For seven days. Amazing.

Of course, there were many other happenings sprinkled throughout the week. We ate at some delicious restaurants, had water balloon fights, shopped, kid on kid fights and arguments ensued, we watched movies, chatted for hours with my sis, enjoyed my nephew's beautiful imagination, observed my hilarious niece grow up and into a different kid in just ten days, and watched fireworks on the beach. Oh, the fireworks! Have you ever sat in the sand, watching the sunset, listening to the ocean waves while watching fireworks? I'll never forget that experience.

I'll also never forget some of these quotes/sayings from the week:

- we are in the chill zone. chill zone, party of four. -Katie

- power down, kids! -Katie

- i had a shark encounter today. -Aaron

- this is nonsense! get me a drink now! -Isabelle

- i know that already. -Isabelle 

- look at those tucans! turtle and I grow tucans like this at his house. -Leo

(These are the "tucans" and turtle is Leo's imaginary friend. So good!)

When we left the beach we still had two days in Washington, D.C. On our final day we requested a visit to the mall to see some of the monuments. Henry had expressed interest in the White House and the Martin Luther King monument so we thought it would be fun to take him. Guess what is not an age appropriate activity for a one year old, four year old, and six year old? A trip to see monuments. Henry quickly lost interest and the four year olds just didn't really get why we were there. Complaining was heard from the White House to MLK and back again. 

Lesson learned. But, we had a nice meal that evening and watched a quality program about the 90s. 

I couldn't have imagined a better vacation. Katie and Aaron showed us an amazing time and provided so much help to allow us to have the vacation. They are incredibly generous, kind and understanding, and a wonderful family to vacation with for a week. I miss them all terribly. Our kids miss them all terribly. I wish I was sitting here with my sister right now. Instead, I will look at pictures, recall stories, laugh at the memories, and look forward to the next time we can all be together.