On Kindness

kindness  (ˈkaɪndnɪs)
— n
1.	the practice or quality of being kind
2.	a kind, considerate, or helpful act

I was thinking about kindness last night while trying to fall asleep: how I show kindness to others, how Henry and Isabelle understand acts of kindness, and how others show me kindness. There are so many ways people show one another kindness and consideration. It's actually easier to be kind than to be mean or inconsiderate. True story. I've tested this theory out many times. Yet, so much time is spent treating people horribly through various types of hatred: racism, sexism, homophobia, classism, etc. All of these categories represent a real lack of kindness.  A lack of understanding. A lack of empathy. 

Just last Friday, February 14th, I officiated a same sex marriage. The home where the ceremony took place was decorated with so much love. From twinkle lights to beautiful flowers to friends and family who supported the couple, the evening was lovely and filled with unity and kindness. As far as I know, no one was harmed by this marriage. No one was made to feel upset or less than as a result of this couple exchanging rings and words of love. Instead, everyone was moved to tears by this union and the evening was spent sharing food, drink, stories and laughter.  

That is why I was thinking about kindness last night. I was feeling upset by the idea that such a wonderful night, filled with kindness and love, could be seen as anything less than happy and remains illegal in many states. Maybe I shouldn't have let my thoughts move this way because I got seriously pissed off last night. I got to thinking how much I hate the following phrases:

-I'm not trying to offend you, but...

-I'm not racist, but...

-My best friend is gay...

-Why do those people always...

Saying these things is like saying this: "I'm not trying to sound like an idiot, but..." You fill in the rest. But see, saying that is just mean and shows a real lack of kindness as well. How do we get to a place of understanding differences? Of showing kindness instead of hate? What would happen if the heterosexual, anti-gay marriage protester spent one day as a person in a committed same sex relationship? Would he or she feel any different having lived through a day from a different perspective?  Would people feel any different if they were plucked from their comfort zone and asked to face the reality of inequity? I'm just not sure. But, I do know that I will always work to show all people kindness, even when I don't understand our differences.

Last night I was finally able to calm down when I moved my anger aside and started to focus on the facial expressions of the people in the living room during the ceremony last Friday. Their sincere eyes, their beautiful smiles, and their genuine postures of happiness and support. I focused on the couple. How they looked as they exchanged rings and whispered I love you to one another. How their two amazing children cheered and embraced their mothers as they were pronounced legally married. These are the moments that matter in life- when love and kindness are both shown and witnessed. 

I fell asleep thinking of my own children, knowing they are growing up in a time of a lot of change. They have already learned so much about differences and how important respect and perspective are in relationships. They know how to question and navigate difficult situations, but most importantly, they know how to be kind to people. I hope showing kindness to others will always be their reality. 

"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." -Dalai Lama

--maggie

34: Sweetness Birthday

Nick: how does it feel to be 34? did you enjoy your sweetness birthday? 

Me: huh?

Apparently, there was a sport person named Walter Payton who was nicknamed "sweetness." His jersey number was 34. 

Nick mistook me for someone who knows sport things and made this reference. I was all, "really Nick?" And then I answered. My sweetness birthday was great, I think my best yet and here's why:

1. I woke up to gifts and a lovingly decorated dining room table. The kids gave me socks because Henry thought I needed pink socks. I did need some pink socks. How did he know? 

2. Nick really showed up for the sweetness birthday: manicure/pedicure gift cards, a new book, a 90210 shirt (yes!), lotion, and Dr. Mario for my gaming pleasure. He's top notch. 

3. My family members made the day extra special with calls and texts and some amazingly thoughtful gifts. They are really dear to me every day of the year. 

4. It was parent involvement day at Henry's school so I was able to spend the morning with him. I observed readers and writers workshop, indoor recess, cafeteria lunch and art class. I participated in the art lesson and activity and the kids were so kind and complimentary. One kid offered me $3,000.00 for my artwork. Others gave me their finished pieces. First graders are really cool. Sadly, my time there came to an end by me getting Henry in trouble. I was talking to him while we walked in line  back to the room. Captain Quiet told the teacher that Henry needed to go on the report list. Henry was pissed! 

5. February 10th happens to also be Henry's half birthday. He made sure to tell everyone this whenever the topic of my birthday came up. I gladly gave the attention over to him. 

6. When I left the half birthday boy I picked up Isabelle at Nick's office. I needed to go to the dmv so she came along. The dmv at sears on rice street was so fast! Can you believe that?! It's true. I was finished in ten minutes. However, in that time Isabelle spoke to three non responsive strangers, hid under a table and then licked the table when I told her to stand up. She said, "you told me I couldn't lick the floor." This morning on the way home from dropping Henry off at school, she barfed in the car. Friends, don't lick tables at the dmv. 

7. The day ended with a dinner at Salut which was amazing. I enjoyed a lovely meal, a blackberry mojito martini and was served a dessert with a lit sparkler. It was really fantastic. 

I like thinking of my 34th birthday as the sweetness because my day was filled with love and sweetness from beginning to end. I think I will really enjoy being 34. I have exactly what I need right now in life so that's what it is- sweetness. 

--maggie

Super Bowl

Did you see the kitty bowl half time show!!?? The one no one is talking about?? Well, I did and it was my favorite part of the Super Bowl. Google that bad boy for a good chuckle. I mean, Bruno and the red hots killed it during half time, but so did keyboard cat so let's give that feline some credit. 

But, in all seriousness, what is wrong with me? How did I miss out on the sport fanatic gene? I just do not give a crap about sports or sporting events. I don't even really care about the commercials. But, there are a lot, and I mean a lot, of folks who really care about teams. They invest time and money into caring and cheering and feel deeply moved by a win or loss. I wish I felt this passion. The root of the problem is this: I don't understand the game. I don't know what they are doing, I don't know the rules and vocabulary, and I don't understand the violence. Like most things, when people have a lack of understanding it usually turns to hate or dislike. The time is not taken to close the misunderstanding gap and dislike or discomfort is the result. This happens in very serious and bigoted ways, but it also happens in small ways like sports. With me. I just brush it off, make fun of it or completely ignore the value it holds for others. Like my son. My husband. My friends. My family. Not that I am necessarily mean about it, but I totally play it off like a joke and devalue the entertainment value it holds for people. I wouldn't want people to treat my interests and passions that way. So, I decided that while I probably wasn't going to watch much of the game, I would throw a get together that honored the interests of my dear son, my loving husband and a few really fabulous friends. Here are a few snap shots of how I contributed to the footballs this year:

I really dorked it up. I made food labels that said things like: touchdown taco cups, end zone enchiladas, quarterback cupcakes. I made a Super Bowl word search. Had footballs for the kids. Nick joined in and had beer from Seattle and Denver breweries. It was really fun putting it all together and Henry was totally tickled by the food labels. He talked to me about them again this morning. I can't say I did this all just for my family and friends. I really love to throw a party and to be as cheesy as possible. But, I truly wanted Henry to see that I do honor his passions and while I don't understand this football mess, I respect the people who do love the game. 

By participating in the Super Bowl this year, this is what I learned and witnessed, all which would have been missed had I not been watching: 

1. Seattle has great colors for their uniforms. Really top notch.

2. Denver players had on great, orange sneakers.

3. The media has a lot of power. 

4. Isabelle and her pal June played amazingly well. When the evening ended Isabelle told me she was glad to have friends. 

5. Cheese dips can be consumed without judgement. 

6. It's okay to have a few extra cocktails on a Sunday. 

7. Good friends make the evening enjoyable.

8. Henry loves football. He also loves people and the social event. He is kind and gentle with ten month old babies and he is a lover of cheesy food labels. 

9. People really care about their team of choice and I think that's pretty cool. 

10. I felt bad for the Broncos at the end of the game. This is the first time I've held an emotion about a team. 

11. People come together around football. They gather, eat, drink, laugh and yell. All about a game. Maybe it's silly to some. Maybe it's community to others. 

I'm not sure I'm ever going to enjoy sports or understand the passion and thrill. But, it may not hurt to learn a bit from those who really enjoy this pastime, like my child. Maybe if we all took more time to try to understand the things we dislike we may find ourselves in a more peaceful, content state. A place of understanding differences. 

--maggie