On Kindness

kindness  (ˈkaɪndnɪs)
— n
1.	the practice or quality of being kind
2.	a kind, considerate, or helpful act

I was thinking about kindness last night while trying to fall asleep: how I show kindness to others, how Henry and Isabelle understand acts of kindness, and how others show me kindness. There are so many ways people show one another kindness and consideration. It's actually easier to be kind than to be mean or inconsiderate. True story. I've tested this theory out many times. Yet, so much time is spent treating people horribly through various types of hatred: racism, sexism, homophobia, classism, etc. All of these categories represent a real lack of kindness.  A lack of understanding. A lack of empathy. 

Just last Friday, February 14th, I officiated a same sex marriage. The home where the ceremony took place was decorated with so much love. From twinkle lights to beautiful flowers to friends and family who supported the couple, the evening was lovely and filled with unity and kindness. As far as I know, no one was harmed by this marriage. No one was made to feel upset or less than as a result of this couple exchanging rings and words of love. Instead, everyone was moved to tears by this union and the evening was spent sharing food, drink, stories and laughter.  

That is why I was thinking about kindness last night. I was feeling upset by the idea that such a wonderful night, filled with kindness and love, could be seen as anything less than happy and remains illegal in many states. Maybe I shouldn't have let my thoughts move this way because I got seriously pissed off last night. I got to thinking how much I hate the following phrases:

-I'm not trying to offend you, but...

-I'm not racist, but...

-My best friend is gay...

-Why do those people always...

Saying these things is like saying this: "I'm not trying to sound like an idiot, but..." You fill in the rest. But see, saying that is just mean and shows a real lack of kindness as well. How do we get to a place of understanding differences? Of showing kindness instead of hate? What would happen if the heterosexual, anti-gay marriage protester spent one day as a person in a committed same sex relationship? Would he or she feel any different having lived through a day from a different perspective?  Would people feel any different if they were plucked from their comfort zone and asked to face the reality of inequity? I'm just not sure. But, I do know that I will always work to show all people kindness, even when I don't understand our differences.

Last night I was finally able to calm down when I moved my anger aside and started to focus on the facial expressions of the people in the living room during the ceremony last Friday. Their sincere eyes, their beautiful smiles, and their genuine postures of happiness and support. I focused on the couple. How they looked as they exchanged rings and whispered I love you to one another. How their two amazing children cheered and embraced their mothers as they were pronounced legally married. These are the moments that matter in life- when love and kindness are both shown and witnessed. 

I fell asleep thinking of my own children, knowing they are growing up in a time of a lot of change. They have already learned so much about differences and how important respect and perspective are in relationships. They know how to question and navigate difficult situations, but most importantly, they know how to be kind to people. I hope showing kindness to others will always be their reality. 

"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." -Dalai Lama

--maggie