Joy

A few years ago a Facebook friend shared a blog post she read about one woman's reflection on over coming alcoholism. I clicked on the blog and read the post, moved to tears by the last line of the author's recollection. I think about it every spring, right about now, when March is revealing its ugly weather truths:

"When you lay life and death right next to each other like that, like spring does, you see it more clearly: how violent god's love is; how risky his timing; and how close on the heels of despair joy starts to rise." 

I'm not real churchy or religious, but this quote holds new meaning for me with each year. I like to think that from despair joy rises and I have found truth in this every spring. Today the snow is falling even though it is March 24th. Despair. But, there are many examples of joy, of love, of hope- right on the heels of despair. Here's what I know:

1. I know that while someone may not buy our home today, I know someone will soon. There is joy and hope this spring because we will get a new beginning, a new home. 

2. I know that Isabelle made the staff at the coffee shop smile this morning when she drew a map for them on a Kleenex. She gave it to the "coffee cooker" and said, "this is a map. here is Mexico, here is All State and here is Canaka. i love Canaka." 

3. That the generosity of family can change your outlook on life and bring hope for the future.

4. I know that when I pick Henry up from school today he will run out of his classroom and give me a hug and then kneel down to hug and talk with Isabelle. He does this every day. 

5. That when time is spent with friends who truly understand and respect one another, it does not matter what the weather is doing outside because of the warmth in the room.

6. I know that you can't go to church to negotiate with god the sale of your home. It doesn't work- I tried it yesterday. But, you can ask for patience during the process and with that comes hope.

7. That a visit with my grandmother reminds me of all the good life has to offer.  While I miss my grandfather like crazy, especially when I leave my grandmother, I know that what is really important is to be present and kind to those who we have the privilege of knowing.   

I really hope the weather warms up soon. I would love to see blades of grass rather than dirty snow. I long for flowers and time at the park and walks outside with Nick. The joy, the hope, and the love comes from knowing this will all happen. Spring will come. Joy will rise. 

Was it Really a Bad Day?

Yes. Yes it was. 

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Nick and I woke up with a fierce plan for the day and quickly determined who would be in charge of each task. Nick would fix the faucet leak and paint the ceilings in preparation for our meeting with the realtor to list our home. I would take Isabelle to dance and Henry to soccer. We would meet for lunch, go home for nap, I would bake a cake, and we would all head out at four to have dinner at a friend's house. It was a top notch plan. I'll give you a brief play by play of what actually happened. 

1. Isabelle had a dress rehearsal for dance class so I helped her into her costume once we arrived. She was pretty unhappy with the costume, proclaiming, "it is itchy like paper. i really hate it." She made it through class, but said she got a cut on her finger from the scratchy skirt. I'm not sure what's going to happen at the actual performance on Thursday. We left class to collect Henry for soccer and Isabelle did a little talking in the backseat. She said, "I'm imagining that I have all the art stuffs back here in my seat. I'm going to draw textures, princesses and moo-moos." She's always pretty good for a laugh.  

2. We successfully collected Henry and started our drive to the rec center for soccer. We were moving at a pretty good clip when there was a large noise resulting in a flat tire. A brand new tire, flat. I made it to the rec center and called Nick to lend a hand. He was right in the middle of painting, but took a break to drive over. Naturally, he got stopped by a rather long train. And, at the same time, my email account was hacked. If you received a strange email from me, I'm real sorry. 

3. We coordinated an effort to get the tire replaced in no time. Nick put the spare on and I followed him to the tire shop, assuming it would be a quick and free fix as we just replaced all of our tires. Not so much. I guess I ran over a screw and that is not covered by the warranty so they tried a repair for 25 bucks. Of course it couldn't be repaired so we were in for a new tire. Don't worry, the tire wasn't in stock and our car had a sleepover at the shop.

4. We finally arrived back home. The kids took a rest, I baked a bundt and Nick continued painting. Although we ran out of paint and had to go back out to buy more, the painting got done and my bundt turned out without getting stuck in the pan. Finally, a victory!

Here are the really awesome outcomes of our kinda crap day:

- We were lose sleep worried about the water/faucet leak. There was a steady drip from our shower into the basement. We were sure it was a pipe and going to cost one million dollars to fix. Nick called his dad and the two of them talked through the problem. His dad is seriously a genius. There has never been a time when he couldn't help us with home and car issues. Nick's dad concluded that we simply needed to replace the faucet in the shower. No joke, it totally fixed the problem. Pete Bruecken, I love you. 

- We have two cars. Our flat tire situation could have been much more chaotic had Nick not been able to drive our second car to help out.

- We managed to still make it out to our friend's home for dinner. A couple and their new baby were in town so we were able to enjoy their wonderful company which is always a joy. I had a major snuggle session with the baby and got to rock her to sleep for a little snooze. It was pretty awesome. 

- Our weekend ended with our number one goal achieved: a successful meeting with our realtor. She put a lockbox on our door and the house should be listed by Monday. 

It's for real this time and we are pumped about the process. We have been ready to go for some time now so when that lockbox went on I did a dance of joy. 

We were pretty stressed on Saturday, but I only cried once and I don't think I yelled. Although, I'm not 100% on that one.

I decided I wanted to share the events of the day because really, they weren't that bad in the grand scheme of things. In the moment, though, we couldn't have felt more sorry for ourselves and my anxiety level was straight through the roof. But, none of what happened was life threatening or dire. Sometimes perspective is important because what happened on Saturday was not horrible, it just didn't go as we had planned. What happened was life. And you know what? Life's not that bad. 

-maggie 

A Little Bit of Both

It's Sunday. Isabelle is upstairs pretending to nap and Henry is out with Nick. I've been given a few moments of quiet reflection so I'm writing. As a mom of two young people, I'm feeling really thankful with a side note of burnout. The last few weekends have been full of really amazing and funny happenings, but have also left me feeling at wit ends with managing the two very different personalities of my kids. Henry is so thoughtful and kind, but has a temper that makes me want to cry. Isabelle is absolutely hilarious and sweet, but is so three and stubborn that I consider going back to work at least once a day. A girlfriend of mine just sent me an article from huff post about three year olds. Here's a quote: "After dealing with two 3-year-olds in my house, I can tell you from experience that they are undeniably the hardest humans on the face of the planet to negotiate with. The reason? They don't give a f*ck!" True story. It's intense. A six year old and a three year old make for a very busy home full of a lot of smiles. And teeth grinding. Here are a few examples of both extremes. 

1. One of my dearest friends took me out to dinner last Friday for my birthday. I went to give the kids a kiss goodbye and Henry was happy to oblige. Isabelle, however, said to me, "I'm not going to tell you goodbye. And, I'm not gonna kiss you." So, I left. Whatever. The next morning she climbed in bed with me to snuggle. As she twirled my hair she said, "I love you mommy." These two pictures illustrate what I'm describing here.

2. "Do you wanna know what orphans look like? Chicken wings." -Isabelle, while riding in the backseat just thinking about life and the movie Annie. 

3. "Do you know that 34 minutes is equal to 2,040 seconds?" -Henry, while riding in the backseat just thinking about math.

4. On Saturday night we went out to dinner as a fam. We had a bit of a wait for our table so we went into a nearby store to look around. I sort of got carried away by the merchandise and forgot anyone was with me. When I came to, I found Isabelle with 9 bracelets on, carrying a sparkle purse and I saw Henry and Nick at the jewelry counter. They were clearly up to something so I focused on freeing Isabelle of the merch and getting back to the restaurant. Once seated at our table, Henry presented me with a box and inside was the sweetest necklace. He said, "See, there are two hearts. One is you and one is me. The counter lady said it was a top seller." Nick said it was all Henry's idea and that he had found him at the counter alone, trying to find me the right necklace.

5. This morning during breakfast Isabelle asked me to cut up her cinnamon role so I went to the kitchen to get a knife. When I returned Tammi and Marvin were on so I used the butter knife as a microphone and lip synced "You're All I Need to Get By." Both kids stared at me with crazy looks and Henry said, "that was pretty weird mom." Isabelle said, "please stop that." At least she said please. 

6. This morning we also went to church for Sunday school and service. We went to the later service because Henry's class was "passing the peace" at the 11:00 service. This would have been great, but the church decided to hold service, perform the youth spring musical, baptize a baby, and then pass the peace. Too much! During the baptism the pastor invited all kids to come forward to sit on the alter. This was a great opportunity to get up and move, thank goodness. But, the baptism went super long too and Isabelle started creeping up in an army crawl fashion toward the family and baptism water thing. I went to grab her and she told me rather loudly, "Stop! I'm just being a wolf snake!" In all fairness, the service was just too long for any kid or adult. And, the passing of the peace? Such an after thought and to me, a fail. Not worth the 90! minutes we were in church. We went out for tacos afterward though so it's cool. 

As I sit here writing, I think about the above examples and how much they each made me laugh or cry or explode with frustration. When you choose to become a parent it's not just fun and games nor is it all stress and burnout. There's a mix of both and that's why it continues to be rewarding and difficult. And, why finding a balance is near impossible. From day to day you don't know what you'll get, which personality will show up for breakfast, and whether you will have a good day or a bad day. But, this is pretty certain: You'll have a day. And, at the end of it, good or bad, you will have been kissed, hugged, slapped, kicked, sassed, been told you are the best and the worst, counted down the seconds until bedtime, and probably have experienced some amount of joy and peace in your parenting. 

-maggie