Undivided Attention

For the past several years now the beginning of spring seems to coincide with some pretty big life challenges: hard decisions, life changes, transitions. Spring is a time of renewal and rebirth, change and freshness. I'm always reminded of these two quotes at this time of year: 

"When you lay life and death right next to each other like that, like spring does, you see it more clearly: how violent God's love is; how risky her/his timing; and how close on the heels of despair joy starts rising." 

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."

So, here I am thinking of these statements and trying to put my stress into perspective. I tend to equate life with emojis and this is me right now: 😬. I'm pretty confident I have TMJ. It's cool, coping with stress productively just isn't my cup of tea. 

When I'm faced with factors beyond my control, my pal anxiety rolls in and sets up shop. I'd rather she not visit, but with the sale of our house, new home purchase, and the need to secure employment by fall on my to do list it is hard to avoid. I can't control if the closing on our home goes smoothly. I can't control whether or not offers on homes are accepted. I can't control whether or not someone wants to hire me. But, I can take deep breaths, grab my perspectacles, and reflect on those two handy quotes. When I think rationally, I know all of the upcoming changes will bring with them joy and prosperity. It's just that getting to that rational lady is sometimes tough. Anxiety comes heavily armed. 

On Saturday evening, Henry and Isabelle helped me. We had just arrived home after looking at nine houses and I was pretty spent. I was putting things away and trying to decompress when the kids requested I come up to their restaurant. I can't lie, I didn't want to. But, as I surveyed the scene I knew nothing I was doing needed to get done. I was just trying to distract myself. Why couldn't I go up to the restaurant? I grabbed my phone and started up the stairs. Half way up, I stopped. I turned and went back downstairs, dropping my phone on the table. The kids and I were going to play- without me on the phone, without anyone on an iPad, and without the distraction of the tv. I turned the record player on and went up to the restaurant. 

The kids had a restaurant set up where Henry was the server and manager and Isabelle was a server and singer. In a magician's outfit she sang and danced while Henry served me cinnamon coffee and escargot. As I drank my coffee Isabelle corrected my hands, showing me how to properly drink with my pinky extended. Mid meal, Henry gasped with excitement as he heard "Wipe Out" coming from the stereo. He informed us that the restaurant game was paused so we could go down to dance. Henry is working on playing this song in guitar lessons, hence his excitement. He jumped up on the couch and played his air guitar as Isabelle and I danced. When we got back upstairs I was told I needed to go to bed. As I was pretending to sleep, the kids decided we were going to play orphanage. Then family. Then circus. Then school. Then the restaurant again. 

It was simple. It was an hour. And, I felt amazing after spending uninterrupted time with them in a truly engaged manner. They calmed me down and helped me combat a bit of my anxiety. I can't control a lot of what is happening, but I can control how much I give of myself to my family. And you know what? That feels like joy. That feels like prosperity. Happy Spring!